[Some of this is a
little OT, but why not? This article appeared on www.exonews.com
in May 2002. Ed.]
Hollywood May 1, 2002 (eXoNews) - Well, they finally wrote out Scully's
baby. Agent Scully gives the kid away! I don't know about you, but I just
I was getting really tired of that Scully kid. For two seasons, X-Files
tried to cover for the absent Mulder by playing the baby card and it never
really worked for me. I think there are lots of X-philes out there who
agree but are probably just too paranoid to admit it. I blame that kid for
the decline in X-Files' ratings, not Doggett and Reyes!
It's not just William either - he was kind of cute twirling his crib toys
with those little alien super powers of his - there are all those other
babies who have populated TV for the last few seasons.
Enterprise was only a few episodes old before Trip got pregnant! Where are
the old values! Can you imagine Scotty with child?
Even TV's most urban plotlines have fallen prey to the baby buggy! Angel
had no excuse getting Darla pregnant! As a topper our vamp anti-hero loses
his kid in a demon dimension! I mean, what more proof do we need that TV
good guys just aren't ready for fatherhood? Then the kid comes back fully
grown! Talking about ducking responsibility! What about the formative
years? The first bike? (Or would that be first bite?)
What's next? A Fox "reality show" featuring a different live
birth each week? (Hey! You saw it here first!)
Didn't I read somewhere recently that there are more single people than
married people in the US? Didn't Hitchcock once complain (greatly
paraphrased) that the most repellant scenes in cinema involved bodily
functions and people getting out of cars? (He had his reasons!)
And if it's not the babies, we get the clones! This has gone way beyond
the old evil twin thing. I mean, Bizarro Superman and the alternate DS9
universe were classic, but now everybody has to have a clone!
Mulder's cloned sister was confusing enough, but now we have to accept
that Spender had Mulder's exact DNA? Come on! We suspected that the CSM
was Mulder's real father, but does that exact DNA match mean Mulder is a
clone? (Or that his real mother was Cassandra Spender? Think about it!)
The ship on Andromeda has not one, but two different alternate embodiments
(clones, I suppose, but they are both played by the lovely Lexa Doig, so
who cares?) The alien kids on Roswell had a full set of punk clones living
in NYC. (Max also got Tess pregnant, come to think of it, and is still
looking for his kid.)
And Moya, the ship on Farscape, somehow got pregnant and had a baby ship!
(Not to mention all those cloned Crichtons and alternate Scorpies on
What ever happened to the simple good guys versus baddies? Where did all
the loners go? We used to have heroes and heroines who were solid and had
their own apartments that we rarely saw and were basically the same person
week after week. They had sexual aspirations, of course, but they weren't
out prowling for a lifetime mate and a basement playroom. They just wanted
a good old roll in the hay once in a while in between hiding their secret
identities and saving the world.
Now even sidekick characters waste whole episodes worrying about wedding
plans or how they'll support a family.
Hollywood needs to hire some new writers - single writers! The current
crop is definitely obsessed with car payments, hair, clothes, marriage,
relatives, and, well, babies. Maybe the scribes are just too young or just
too old or just too married, but they definitely need to get out of the
house and out of suburbia!
And I told you not to mention alternate Crichtons! Sci Fi Channel finally
lets us see the Season Three Farscape finale this week and guess what the
cliffhanger leaves us with?
Nah, I won't spoil it. I don't have to. Even if you didn't see it, I'm
sure you can guess.